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Janus, aka Zelmare, or mom…

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I feel a bit like Janus today. As you probably know, he is the Roman god with two faces, looking both to the past and the future. My duality has more to do with feeling both very proud and pleased, and at the same time very sad and heartbroken.

I’m not sure how much I can say, since I don’t want to spoil things for my child – it is all to do with her, so in respect to her and her right to tell her own story, I’ll talk only about my side of this story.

All the parents out there know how much we want everything to go well for our children. We want them to be only happy, and we don’t want them to ever get hurt. Etcetera. You know what I mean.

So, when things go very well and turn out the way they want them to, we should be delighted and happy, not so? Absolutely. And I am, very much so, believe me! πŸ™‚ See that smile?

At the same time, I’m so very, very sad… And I am sorry, but I cannot help it. So please bear with me, because this sadness is not going to go away quickly. I’ll try hard for it not to keep showing up in my posts…

I thought this picture really is a metaphor for how we as parents feel about our kids. It is the first picture I post that has not been taken by me, and I don’t know who to credit for it, but whoever you are sir/madam, this is beautiful!!! Some of you might have seen it, as it has been doing the rounds in an e-mail.



Thank you for visiting, and until we chat again, be blessed. πŸ™‚




About zelmare

In a nutshell: I'm a woman of 'a certain age', I recently moved after living in the same area for 27 years, i raised 3 absolutely fabulous kids (I'm sure you will hear a lot about them, since I am a very proud mama), got divorced, and in due course, met and fell in love with the most amazing man, and i moved to a small town called Nylstroom. A lot of my blogs will most probably be about my new life, my family and friends, and my interests, which are taking pictures, travelling, food, re-decorating, music and books. I am looking forward to meeting a lot of lovely new friends and interesting people! :)

22 responses »

  1. That is a great photo. I hadn’t seen it yet. I’m not a parent, but I can only imagine how hard it is to love, protect, and to learn to trust your kids to go off in the world. I am very curious about what is going on, but I’ll let your lovely daughter share her side.

  2. What beautiful colors on this bird.

  3. Beautiful shot… hope you feel better and that sadness goes away sooner rather than later πŸ™‚

  4. Is this about your daughter going to Canada? I’m trying to read between the lines, but as a parent myself, I can totally understand what you are going through, if that is what it is. My thoughts are with you.

  5. If I am right in where this is going, your feelings are totally normal, and I can really relate. You seem very, very close to your daughter and that’s what makes it so hard to let go. You are allowed to feel sad – that shows what a great mother you are. Don’t hold it in – she will understand.

    • Thank you for your kind reply. I know countless parents have been through this, so I’ll also cope. Just a liiiiiiiitle tough at the moment. πŸ™‚

  6. Hi Zelmare – You couldn’t have chosen a better photograph to express your feelings! I am assuming, rightly or wrongly, as in your other comments, that ‘He Who Thinks He’s Boss’ has been successful at interview, has got the job, and Xandre will be moving to Canada with him.

    Zelmare, If we are correct, I have to say that I am really pleased for HWTHB and Xandre, as a young couple who want to go out and experience the world, but as a parent, I also feel your sadness as only parents can! Unfortunately for us parents, that seems to be life nowadays, and wouldn’t we have loved to do it ourselves at their age!

    My son, Russell, graduates this year and wants to go to Australia to live and work if he doesn’t get a Teacher Training place, and still go in a year if he does. We are already anxious about it, even though it is not certain! My own personal view, in trying to be positive about it, is that there are such a lot of methods of communication around now, such as Skype on your computer and live view chats on your phones, that seeing and talking to your children ‘live’ can be done at anytime! The only thing missing is being able to hug them!

    Talking about hugging them, travel is also much more accessible these days, and imagine the fun you could have visiting them, and them coming home to visit you, on a yearly rotation! I fully intend to take out regular two year bank loans for the travel to Oz, on a go now, pay it back, go now, pay it back basis!

    If we are correct, I am sure that at this time, it must seem like the end of the world, but that feeling, as with all feelings, will pass. We adapt! My parents were devastated when my sister and her husband emigrated to Australia 32 years ago. At that time contact was by 6 weekly letters and rare two minute, expensive, long distance phone calls. They adapted because they knew that Jane was happy and fulfilling her own dreams with her husband. Now, my sister visits every couple of years and we have video chats on Skype at no cost every weekend and on other special days of the year.

    As I said at the start, your choice of photograph is perfect in expressing how you feel, but even the pigeon can’t hang on to its babies forever! We have an advantage over the pigeon in that we don’t lose them forever!

    I hope you don’t mind me rambling on like this! I am just trying to sympathise, make you feel supported, and push you towards feeling more positive about the situation.

    Hmmm! You know, I am going to feel like a right wally if I am completely wrong in my assumptions!

    Take care!


    • Hi John!
      Of course I don’t mind! I really appreciate the support I’m getting from you and the other friends I’ve made here.

      I am extremely happy for them that their dream seems to be coming true. And I know that I (we) will adapt, but I wish I didn’t have to… πŸ™‚

      I realize I can go and visit, I’m just not sure I’ll be able to afford it. Travelling from SA is quite expensive. Going to Europe is one thing, but travelling to Canada and Aus. from here is another ball game.

      But hey, I know – I’m not the first, and I won’t be the last parent that has to say goodbye, so I know I’ll get through this. Like I said to 2 Rivers, I’m already feeling better. I have to, can’t mope around forever, life goes on. There will be times that I feel happy, and times that I’ll cry my eyes out, but that’s par for the course.

      Thank you for taking the time to read my little drama, and for being so kind in your reply.

      Bye for now!

  7. Zelmare, I have stood in your shoes. And now I am facing the next generation leaving as well. So far the first generation returned to all live within ten miles, but that was luck. And I believe John S is right in that they have opportunities that we never had and it is our duty to encourage them to enjoy those experiences we will never have.

    It is such a double-edged sword. Most of all we feel so good that we created level-headed smart young people who have successfully fledged but so sad there is no one else in the nest.

    On the other hand, I am within travel distance of Edmonton. And I have a long time friend moving to Fort McMurray Ontario, also. Ontario shares the most gorgeous Banf National Park with the USA. The park is a place we (sweet hubs and I) plan to visit.

    Best of luck to you…and them. πŸ˜€

    • Ah Shez, you were so lucky your kids returned! I’m hoping like anything that it will also be the case with mine… Not easy, because I’ve tried to raise them to stand on their own two feet, so I can only smile (through my tears) and let go. Ouch! Well, Xan and I decided yesterday to tackle things as they come up, so as not to make things too difficult for ourselves. Thank you for your kind comments. πŸ™‚

      • How can being proud of how independent and strong our offspring turned out, just like we planned, hurt to much? No one prepared me that successful parenting come back to hurt so much. Yes, I do count my blessings that they ended up close. Not too close, but close enough even though we don’t spend as much time with each other as we wish. Why? Because we are all busy.

      • The ideal situation! That is more or less how it is for us at the moment – Xan lives 120km away, and they’ve got their lives and we’ve got ours. We manage to sea each other maybe once a month, sometimes even less. But it is close enough for me to go there and see her when I really miss her. Anyhoo – times they are a-changing! πŸ™‚

  8. ;( … Dis met ‘n swaar hart mammie… Lieve jou veraltyd baie!!! πŸ™‚ ❀ **

  9. Love the photo. I think it’s normal to be conflicted and want the best for your child, but not want them to go far away from you. I’m sorry you are going through a rough time, but blog as much as you need to about it. I’m here to listen and support. πŸ™‚

    • Thank you so much, Kourtney, I really appreciate your kind comment and being willing to listen to my bouts of self-pity. I keep telling myself that all of this stuff, is nothing compared to what a lot of other people are going through, so I still have a lot of reason to be thankful. πŸ™‚


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