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Not enough time.

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I don’t have enough time.

I don’t have enough time in my days anymore. It is not a bad thing, because that means I’m busy. I’m running around, and I don’t have time to feel bored, or to think about things too much. You know how one can think up nonsense when you have too much time? Well, I can’t do that anymore. πŸ™‚

There is one truth I can’t get away from though, whether I think about it or not…

I don’t have enough time left to spend with my daughter anymore. This is not a good thing. No matter what I do in the next few months, I won’t be able to spend enough time with her to see me through the months and years to come. I find this a bit…well, ‘sad’ is the word that comes to mind, if I’m honest.

You know how people often say that you have to ‘make up for lost time’? Well, guess what? That is not possible. Time lost is just that – time lost. So forgive me for not feeling like kicking up my heels right now. Maybe I’ll feel different tomorrow, but right now, I need time to accept the fact that I don’t have enough time.

Does that make any sense at all?

Sunset over the dam on the farm.

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About zelmare

In a nutshell: I'm a woman of 'a certain age', I recently moved after living in the same area for 27 years, i raised 3 absolutely fabulous kids (I'm sure you will hear a lot about them, since I am a very proud mama), got divorced, and in due course, met and fell in love with the most amazing man, and i moved to a small town called Nylstroom. A lot of my blogs will most probably be about my new life, my family and friends, and my interests, which are taking pictures, travelling, food, re-decorating, music and books. I am looking forward to meeting a lot of lovely new friends and interesting people! :)

26 responses »

  1. Makes total sense and I hear you… I wish I can spend more time with my parents, now that we live so far apart. I do regret all those times that I took for granted…
    Fantastic photo by the way

    Reply
  2. Wow, you must have been reading my mind. My oldest son is leaving for college in exactly 13 days, and I am really starting to get depressed thinking of how fast the time is going and how he won’t be around like he always has been. I feel like I have been too busy to enjoy these last few months with him. I just want to stop time, but I know he is so ready for this next stage in his life that I need to let go. It’s hard though, so I don’t feel like kicking up my heals either :(. You know what though? When you are close with a child like I know you are with your daughter, you will find ways to be together even if you are not physically in the same place. I feel the love that goes back and forth in your comments on each other’s blogs, and it won’t be perfect but you will adjust and find ways to be there for each other, just like I will with my son being away. Sorry for rambling, but I hope this makes sense :).

    Reply
    • Cindy, thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate your comment. I also know that my kids, and particularly my daughter, are ready for the next step in their lives, so I need to let go (again), but it is hard. And Canada is VERY far away… But it is true, we will adjust (have to, actually!) and we will find ways to communicate regularly. I just go through bad patches every now and then!
      Good luck with your son and college. If it is any consolation – it is much harder for us than for them. They have a blast in their exciting new lives, while we are the ones with the big holes in our lives. (Reading that, I’m wondering how that can be any consolation?!) But it is about their futures and their happiness though, isn’t it? πŸ™‚

      Reply
      • I understand about the bad patches too. Some days I’m excited for him and I get through fine, but other days I just start crying out of the blue. And for me one of the biggest problems is that I don’t have anyone who understands. I live in a house full of males, and unfortunately they are just not programmed the same way we are. They think I’m being ridiculous!! No offence to all the men out there, but they just don’t understand the bond between a mother and a child. Years go by where we are the centre of their world, and then all of a sudden they don’t need us anymore, and it’s a heartbreaker. I know it means we’ve done a good job when they can confidently move on to new stages of their lives without us and I know they still love us, but it doesn’t make it any easier on our end. So, I truly understand about your bad days, and I’m always here if you want to talk :).

      • Thank you so much, Cindy, the same here. Whenever you need a shoulder…
        And that is what lifts me up again – the fact that they are strong enough and courageous enough to go out there and do their thing, means we’ve done a good job. πŸ™‚

  3. I get it. Something I have to come to terms with myself.

    Reply
  4. I know how you feel. Both of you are so close, I know you will make it work, even with not having enough time for face to face contact. The bond is strong and that is the most important. Take care, Zelmare.

    Reply
  5. I live on the opposite side of the world to my parents and sometimes have to go years between visits, luckily my mum is here now and it’s her third visit in just under a year, she’s only here for a week and much of that is going to be spent at an alzheimers conference (she works with people who have dementia)

    Reply
    • I know we all make choices in life, and have to live with the consequences thereof. Sometimes it’s not so hard, other times it is crushing. I know we will cope with the separation and distance, but I do wish I didn’t have to. This is definitely one choice that influences me that I didn’t make…

      Reply
  6. It makes perfect sense. I hope you find lots of time to spend with her, but I understand what you mean about not much time. My mother lives quite a long way away, well it is a four and half hour drive, I can’t just pop up there to say hello, so I only see her once or twice a year, it isn’t great, but you do adjust, at least you will have the internet to keep in touch. When is she leaving?

    Reply
  7. I know it’s nothing like how a mom feels, but I can sort of understand that feeling. Especially with people who are far away. I see some of my dearest friends once every 3 years. But we text, Skype/FaceTime, and we set aside time to talk when we need it. We stay in each other’s lives despite the distance/time zones. And I’ve learned to appreciate that hour on Skype so much more. It was an adjustment when someone moved from my daily life to my monthly life.

    Reply
    • I am glad there is such things as Skype now, that thought makes it slightly easier for me. It will take some getting used to with the huge time difference, but we’ll get there! Thanks for taking the time to comment on this, it means a lot to me. πŸ™‚

      Reply
  8. Maaaammmmmmmmmmie – hoe sien ek nou eers hierdie post???? Ekt die heeltemal gemis!!!!! 😦 Ek gaan jou ook mis – het vandag paspoorte gan oplaai – als no goood en reg vi aksie!!! Yay – ma nay!!! 😦 πŸ™‚ ??? I love you super plenty much mammie’q!!! ❀ ❀ ❀ πŸ™‚ **

    Reply

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