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The truth about getting older.

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OK, so D-day has come and gone…

And nothing came crashing down around my head! My paid subscription ended 7 days ago, and on the surface nothing seems to have changed. Yay!

Things have definitely changed around here, weather-wise. Mornings are still cool, but the days are already a lot warmer than say, a week ago. Nothing one can do anything about – the seasons will come and they will go, and we have to roll with it.

A lot like the seasons of life. I don’t want to spoil anyone’s day, but if you are of a younger generation, you will get old(er). You are getting older as we speak. As am I. Ugh… 😦

It is my mom’s birthday today, she is 86 years old. And although she is healthy and in good physical nick for her age, her age does show itself daily. In the things she says, how she says it and things she does and doesn’t do. It is strange experiencing one’s mom that way, as it is so different to the mom you grew up with.

She says things totally out of context. She makes herself a sandwich and leaves everything where and how she used it. She leaves crumbs all over. She makes ‘jokes’ that only she finds funny. She voices her opinion about personal stuff (mine!) that really has nothing to do with her.

And I have very little patience. I never had a lot. But I’m doing my best to be kind and more patient. Because “Honor thy father and thy mother…”, like the Bible says.

And because – I am at an age now where a few years ago I thought people were OLD. And if I am spared, I will in years to come be the age my mom is now. And I would love it if my kids would treat me with love and respect as well, and even if they secretly laugh at the things I say (which I’m sure they already sometimes do….) just be kind to me.

It is tough getting older. At first your mind cannot get around the fact that you’re not thirty anymore, because you feel thirty. Until suddenly you are sixty and you realize there are things your body won’t do anymore. And the mirror reflects the truth every single day, so you cannot hide from it anymore.

And I see the frustration in my mom, because she’s been relatively active all her life. She still walks at least 2 km’s everyday – not shuffling or strolling, she walks! But she is getting more unsteady on her feet when climbing stairs, even if it is only two. She is very slow getting out of the car. She’s got pains and aches all the time. She can’t hear so well anymore. She tells me things that she’s already told me. She obviously also doesn’t feel her age, but she is 86 – no getting away from it. From here on in, I’m sure things are not going to get better.

So, more as a note to myself, but also to all of you out there – age creeps up on all of us – be kind to old people, they mostly can’t help being forgetful and slow, (Grumpy is something completely different!), and you will be there sooner than you think.

Age – is it just a number?

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Photo by Flora Westbrook on

I’ve always wondered about people who say age is just a number.

Do they want to deny their age? Do they fear aging? Have they got a significant other who is much older/younger than them?

My little granddaughter is now 2 years old, running around and getting more clever everyday, Covid 19 is around 15 months old, also running around untethered and learning how to duck and dive, and me? I am not a spring chicken anymore, but nor do I consider myself being old. Far from it.

I am of a ‘certain’ age… 😉

I feel 35 – which I’m not. I look ‘whatever’. And I am mumble-mumble years old.

So – I cannot pretend I am 35, much as I would love to get away with it. But I refuse to act my age too, because I simply do not feel it. A bit of a predicament…

For instance – if I wasn’t in a committed relationship, I would never consider going out with a guy in his forties, because a far as I’m concerned, we are on different planets. A guy in his forties would be in a completely different space to where I am. We would know different movies, music, people. It will not work for me. Our friends will be ‘into’ different things – I would feel uncomfortable with his friends, he would feel the same with mine.

Also – I cannot imagine myself in some of the clothes the thirty-somethings wear. I will not go and get myself old fuddy-duddy clothes, but I do consider what I wear, and where I wear it to. As far as I’m concerned, bare-midriff tops are a no-no for me. Slinky, tight fitting dresses and tops will be removed from my closet – they just do not work for me anymore.

I do not colour my hair anymore, and I haven’t done so for about four years now. What a relief !!! I’m going gray – fact. Why try and hide it? I am not young anymore – fact. Why try and bullshit people about my age? I do not consider myself old – fact. Do gray hair go with bare midriff tops and forty year old boyfriends? I do not think so.

With age, comes wisdom and certain privileges. I would not want to exchange that for anything else. I can see right through people and their nonsense – I love that. I can say ‘no’ without hesitation. I do not have to tolerate disrespect, or bad manners from anyone. I know who I am.

I do know that people go gray at different ages. I started going gray at 35 – yikes !!! So I coloured my hair for years, and that was fine, most women do that. But like I said, about 4 years ago, I decided enough is enough. No more pretending I am younger that I am. I am what and who I am. Take me, or leave me.

The body battle.

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At what point in life can a person decide to stop worrying about diet and exercise?

Asking for a friend… 😉

According to me, I’ve been battling my weight my whole life. With hindsight, not so much, because I’ve actually been trying to conform to the world/media’s idea of what a woman’s body should look like. You know, tall and slim, long legs, hardly any curves. And it was a constant battle of different diets for many years, since that is not the way I am built.

Then came the few years around my divorce that I was incredibly happy with my body. I was slim, and tiny. I could wear anything and look good. I didn’t have to watch what I was eating, and my weight stayed the same. It was heaven!

I slowly started picking up a few kg’s again a few years ago. I didn’t like it, but it was not enough that I had to go out and buy new clothes, I just rounded out a little bit.

Few years on, and my body has changed so much, I cannot look at myself in the mirror anymore. I have not really picked up weight, but my body underwent some metamorphosis. And honestly, I am not eating more. I am also tired of watching what I eat the whole time. I like good food, and I enjoy a glass of wine. I am not huge on sweet things, although I do enjoy a good dessert now and then, but I’ve always limited myself because I didn’t want to pick up weight. I might be a tad less active nowadays, but I enjoy being peaceful and quiet at home.

Also…*cringe* I have to consider the fact that I’m getting older. I am developing a real ‘granny’ body – of the old fashioned kind, let me hasten to add, since I know grannies these days are not necessarily cute, cuddly and rosy cheeked anymore.

I also know that I could change the situation with exercise. I’ve been trying to do that regularly for a few months now, and I can just not motivate myself to do it. I start, and then stop. Start, stop. I used to exercise 5 times a week, for many years, now I cannot get myself to do it 2x a week!

I really, really want to look sleek and fit again, but I really, really don’t feel like exercising anymore!!!! 😦

Does anyone know of an easy way out? Please? Anyone?