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Two sides to emigrating (and time still flies)

Clivias in my garden.

No, it cannot be so long since I’ve posted anything!

It is seriously irking me that I cannot sit down and do a post more regularly anymore! But, at least I had a brilliant excuse for not posting anything last week – my son is visiting from Ireland, and we (my 2 sons, their girlfriend and wife, my mom and myself) spent a few days together catching up before they had to leave to also spend time with friends and family in the north of the country. It was lovely! So, I’m not sorry about not posting last week. But I could’ve posted something somewhere within the last 2 weeks, I suppose…

The weather has turned. The birds are going absolutely ballistic, the flowers I do have in the garden has popped up, and less warm clothing is needed. Soon I’ll be melting in the heat…

My mind often goes to families broken up because of children moving away to live in other countries. I can’t help myself, since I am obviously part of such a family. I am trying my best to cope with it, and when I am very busy and I push it out of my mind I’m okay. When I’m less busy, and things get quiet around me when I’m on my own, it catches up with me. There is also the other side of this, besides the one of the people left behind.

This week a life shattering event took place. Maybe you saw it somewhere on social media – a mother took the lives of her three young daughters in New Zealand. The have very recently moved there from South Africa. She was a practicing GP here.

Now, something like this completely blows my mind – I could never, and probably won’t ever, understand how a mother can take the lives of her children. I will fiercely protect my children from any harm, I will fight to death to keep them safe, even now that they are grown ups. But that aside, she cracked for some reason, and killed her babies, right after they moved from one country to another.

Before you jump on my case – of course that doesn’t happen all the time. Of course I’m not trying to say that moving countries will cause you to start killing. What I’m trying to say, is that it is a huge step to take. I think people underestimate the stress such a move can cause. People don’t talk enough about their real feelings when they do something like this. Maybe the one partner is less into the move than the other one, but he/she keeps quiet so as not to upset the other. Maybe things happen too quickly sometimes, and the émigrés don’t have enough time to work through their feelings of loss. Because they do experience loss – big time. On both sides of this coin – the stayers and the goers.

This new trend of people upping and moving all over the world is exciting. I know, I wanted to do that too, years ago. Aside from the fact that my ex was not in the least interested in such a move, I also had my mother to consider – she would have been left here on her own, which would have caused her a lot of pain and anguish. I do think going through with this kind of move has an element of selfishness attached to it, you have to completely discount and ignore the feelings of the ones that stay behind. I know what you are going to say – everybody has the right to do with their lives what they want to. Yes, of course. It doesn’t alter the fact that when you do it, you have to tamp down the fact that it causes pain.

This was not an attack on anyone who decided to take the step to emigrate. On a certain level I envy you. This is my personal thoughts and feelings put down on ‘paper’, which was in part brought on by this very tragic event that could maybe have been prevented. If the couple talked more openly to each other. If she had more support. If they never moved…