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Tag Archives: relationships

What breaks a mind?

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I have always been fascinated by people. I do not love people, I am a serious introvert, who gets overwhelmed by too much interaction with people, but people and their behaviour fascinate me.

One of my main questions around human behaviour and interaction is this: what is it that ‘breaks’ someone? What is it that changes their personalities and turn them into monsters? And why does it only happen to some people?

Look at serious criminals. The psychopaths. The really MEAN ones. Why are they that way? What happened to them in life that turned them into the monster they’ve become?

“They’ve been abused as a child” – I hear you say. Yes, a lot of them will say that is what happened. But there are a lot more children that were abused as children, who did not turn into psychopaths. They might also become abusers who hurt their children (which is bad enough, don’t get me wrong), and they might not. But they do not turn into people who go out, find other people and kill them horribly, get satisfaction out of the deed, and don’t stop until they are stopped by getting caught.

Or, they develop multiple personalities, so they can get away from their realities. And some of those personalities can also commit horrible crimes.

You even get children from the same family, that grew up in the same abusive situation, who turn out completely differently. The one becomes a lawyer/cop/doctor, the other becomes a psychopath.

Are some people born evil? Or are they born with a much more fragile mind than most others?

I know that there is no clear answer to this yet. Many theories maybe, but no definite answers. (This piece by Paul J Zak gives a good explanation of why people could be/become evil ) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-moral-molecule/201109/why-some-people-are-evil

But, I wonder if that will ever be  really clear to us? Somehow I don’t think so…

You might ask me why I’m being so dark and serious on a Friday afternoon. I don’t know. I do know it is a question that I’ve been pondering for years, but it might be that I am asking this because of the horrific murders being committed on South African farms lately. It hurts to hear the facts of those murders, and one cannot hear them and not wonder – WHY?

Until next time!

 

Life is a journey.

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Sun fingers touching the earth.

 

#lifeisajourney

This is a permanent hashtag on my instagram profile. It says it all to me. You are on your own personal journey, and you have to keep moving to reach your destination. The destination can be different things to different people, of course.

Life’s journey is not all fun and games, of course, like a planned vacation to your favourite destination. It can be a bit of a nightmare, it often takes a few wild turns, and there are more than one detour along the way.

Still, you can’t decide to get off the bus whenever you want to. You have to keep going, and hope that there is something exciting around the bend, or over the hill. You can sometimes decide whether to turn left or right, or carry on straight. U-turns are strictly forbidden.

What makes one carry on? What makes one pick up the pieces and keep going?

Hope.

Hope that tomorrow will be a bit brighter and lighter. Hope that you will feel stronger, happier, more content. Hope that you will find that much needed job, or that your tests for cancer/MS/Alzheimer’s will be negative. Hope that lightning might strike your violently abusive husband. Hope that next month’s pregnancy test will be positive.

Life’s journey is fueled by hope. No matter how hard life hits us, we always have hope that things will be better, and we will hurt less.

*If you seriously feel that you have hit rock bottom on your life’s journey, though, please seek help, there are people that can help you.

 

Musings about feelings…

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My back garden.

It is mid -winter here in South Africa.

In general, winter has not been too cold, except for a week here and  a few days there, which has been icy cold. At the moment it is cold inside, but divine weather outside, so here I am, sitting with my back warming in the sun, listening to birdsong, enjoying the outdoors while writing my post. (My view from where I’m sitting. ^^)

I have to admit I am disappointed in the fact that things seem to be very slow here in blog country, I expected it to be as lively as it was 2 years ago, but there you go – the only constant in life is change!!!

So, I’m going to give it a while and see how things go. I do enjoy interaction with other people. I am definitely not only writing here for my own enjoyment, I am telling you some things that I think about and feel, and it would be wonderful to get some feedback on how you see things. You are, of course, welcome to have different opinions, please never agree with me because you feel it’s the right thing to do, or ignore my post because you do not agree with me. Tell me. I like some healthy debate!

I do feel there are way too much ‘political correctness’ these days – everybody gets hurt and feels insulted by everything other people say, and most of the times, it is only because other people see things differently, which they are allowed to, as far as I’m concerned. And everybody is so very very careful of what they say and how they say it… My goodness, it is starting to be a bit ridiculous out there. So feel comfortable with disagreeing with me!

While I’m waiting for some response, I am going to do some knitting, and then pour myself a glass of wine and just sit back and relax…

Until next time, blog friends! 🙂

 

Hi, my name is…

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Hi, my name is Zelmaré, and I haven’t posted for years!

Haha…funny, not funny. I used to be addicted to blogging, couldn’t go a day without, and then, just like that, I stopped. Why, you may ask? I’ve asked myself that question, but have yet to come up with an answer…

Since the last time I wrote anything here (I honestly don’t even know when the last time was, I even had to change my password because I had forgotten the previous one!), a hell of a lot has happened in my life.

I should’ve checked when my last post was, because now I have to fly by the seat of my pants in terms of where to start … but here goes!

I was still farming in the northern province of Limpopo in South Africa then, and I had a few frustrations going on in my life, which made it difficult for me to be happy.

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I found my passion in cattle farming, relatively late in life. I loved every minute of the 7 years that I worked with these amazing creatures, but I had to make decisions regarding my life and happiness, so I had to give them up, which broke my heart… But hey – choices!!!

Which brings me to another one of the huge changes in my life in the last few years. I have always loved the Western Cape province of South Africa. I knew the area from a young age, and it has been a dream of mine for many years to live there (here). So, a few years ago, after I sold my house in the Northwest, I decided to buy a place somewhere in the Western Cape. I ended up buying a 130 year old cottage in Robertson 3 years ago, in the heart of the wine country, and made one of my dreams come true. At first my SO* and I shared our time between Limpopo and Robertson, since his whole life has been in Limpopo for the last 30 years, but last year, I moved here permanently and started a new life.

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My SO* is here with me as much as he can/wants to be, and if he misses his place up in the north too much, or when he has matters requiring his attention, he spends some time there. When he is here, we love exploring, or going for bike rides around the beautiful places in the area, or working on the cottage. All in all, a completely different life for me to the previous 9 years.

There was another huge event that took place recently and changed my life forever, but since I am determined to blog more often from now on, I will let that stand over for next time!

Until then, blog friends, stay safe!

*SO – significant other

 

Alone/Lonely

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Friday night, and I’m home alone.

I hate being on my own on a Friday night, but tonight it was my own doing. My choice. But now I hate it. I’m trying to convince myself that I’m loving it, but I don’t believe myself.

The positive side of it is that I can do what I want, watch whatever I want on TV (there’s nothing to watch, by the way), eat what I want (nope, nothing I feel like in the house), take a long, leisurely bath (yip, did that). But, if I’m not alone because I really want to be, I’m lonely. Simple as that.

I don’t have a problem with my own company, since I’m an introvert, so I generally do not enjoy idle chitchat, especially not with random strangers. I’m in a relationship with a Leo – a total extrovert, who can chat with anybody, anywhere. You see the problem?

But here’s how I get myself out of the lonely funk:

  1. I get on the internet, and I start listening to music. I might start of with sad songs, like the one I’m listening to now – Everybody Hurts by Kelly Clarkson and Pink, but as I’m scrolling down, the feel and tempo might start changing. Music is magic!
  2. I always feel like I want to put my feelings into words, so I start writing. In this case, I blog. I haven’t done so in months, but as soon as the music started playing, I automatically opened WordPress, and here I am! Feeling better already.
  3. I get myself a glass of wine, and something to snack on. Wine seems to do the trick, especially combined with good music.

That’s basically it. I give myself another ten to fifteen minutes, and I’ll only be ‘alone’, not feeling ‘lonely’ any more. 🙂

You guys have yourselves a wonderful weekend!

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