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Tag Archives: sadness

Life – a bumpy ride.

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Photo by Engin Akyurt on

I’m so upset…

My day started off very well. I did some ‘meditation’ with YouTube. Then I went for a walk, not a stroll, or just ambling along – a brisk walk, in other words some exercise. After that I did a quick bit of pruning and watering in the garden

And just as I was starting to feel good about getting so much done, so early in the morning, I received an SMS.

“If you want your patient records from deceased Dr. X, please contact us on ______ before the end of March.”

What? Shock, horror. Noooooooo…. 😦

I have mentioned to you once or twice about the altercation I had with a truck end of May 2020. I landed up in hospital with an arm quite badly fractured in two places and ligaments torn in my ankle. I needed an operation to put the bones back together again. Enter Dr. X, an orthopaedic surgeon.

Dr. X’s handiwork.

I saw him the morning before the operation when he came and explained to me what he needed to do and how he was going to do it. Then I saw him after the op, when he told me everything went well, and what I should expect in terms of pain and swelling. And the next day, and the next when he came to see if I am okay enough to go home. I went three weeks after the operation for a check-up, and twice more, after which he declared me fit to go.

That was it. The sum total of my relationship with him. So why on earth am I so very upset by his death? He was a nice man, a very good doctor, as far as I am concerned, and I could see he was well respected and loved by his staff. I loved how he took his time with me (and I’m sure with all his patients), and didn’t mind explaining things in detail when I had questions. He was soft spoken and kind. And had a sense of humour. And now he’s gone. Just like that. I’m old enough to know very well by now that life isn’t fair, but really, LIFE ISN’T FAIR!

On a slightly more positive note, I rescued a tiny little Cape White-Eye from Daisy dog this morning. It was probably trying to fly, landed on the lawn and Daisy was there like a flash. Fortunately I was too! I picked it up and put it in a hanging plant and up in a tree again. I do hope that it is going to be okay – I am trying to keep Daisy away from the garden for now.

Poor little baby… Can you see it?
Trying to be invisible.

Hope you all have a good day.


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Halfway home….a little bit of sun starting to show.

Yesterday was a shitty day. Because, saying goodbye… 😦

I had a weird few days, actually. Let’s start it off on Saturday. Like I mentioned in my previous post, it was my birthday on Saturday, and I would have been alone, had my sons not decided to come visit. So, the first part of the day was in expectation of their arrival.

My boys and daughter in law arrived much later than expected, but it was glorious seeing them! They brought with them some gifts and flowers, and as a lovely surprise, a beautiful birthday cake! We spent the rest of the day together, catching up, chatting, debating, eating, drinking, you know – all the things people do on birthdays when they haven’t seen each other for some time (thank you Covid! 😦 )

The cake…

But as with a lot of situations, at the back of my mind was the knowledge that these few days together had another purpose, aside from my birthday. My youngest actually came down to say goodbye to his brother and I, as he is leaving South Africa for Ireland. At the moment he is not emigrating, but he might decide to do just that while living abroad. Since it is the second of my three children leaving the country, you could maybe imagine how I’m feeling. (Even as I’m writing this, I find it difficult to breathe…) I do, how ever, wish him all the good luck in the world. I hope it is everything he imagines and more. I hope he will be happy, and successful in all his endeavours. With all my heart.

So, the whole visit was bittersweet, from start to end. We did make a few more special memories together, and we did have fun doing it, so please don’t imagine that it was only doom and gloom the whole time! 🙂 But the whole vibe changed perceptibly as the time to say goodbye drew near…

Yesterday, after saying goodbye and on my way home, the weather was atrocious – wild wind blowing, dark clouds, intermittent rain…As I got nearer to my house, there was more sun and less wind – I did somehow feel it was a metaphor for my feelings and the whole situation – things will get better, and I will get over this feeling of despondency…

Loneliness vs happiness

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Sunset on the farm, a few years ago…

You know how it is no fun to go on holiday on your own? Or eat out alone?

I was listening to a talk on the radio yesterday while driving back from a doctor’s appointment. The talk was with a psychologist, and it was about loneliness.

I heard some very interesting things, but mainly how important shared experiences are to humans. Tests have proven that sharing something intensifies the joy. Or the sadness, depending on the experience.

It has also been proven, that people who have nearly no interaction with others, can easily slip into sadness, then depression, and they can even become psychotic!

That is why so many people are unhappy in a marriage, but they cannot pinpoint the source of the unhappiness. It is because often there are no points of real, deep contact between spouses. They can superficially chat about their work, or maintenance that needs to be done on the house, but they cannot talk about ‘real’ things, things that matter to them. (you know- ‘he just doesn’t care’ or ‘she doesn’t get me’) She is not able to talk about her fear of something happening to her children, because he just mocks her and tells her to ‘get over it’. He does not realize that it is actually a deep seated fear, that she cannot dismiss. He doesn’t talk to her about his fear of his business going under, because he is supposed to be the provider. All they ever talk about, IF they talk, is fluffy stuff… Fortunately, the psychologist said, that if it is important to both of them, this sharing of issues that really matter to them, can be learnt.

People who live on their own, are of course more prone to depression and worse. They are often awkward communicators anyway, and have very little to no contact with people, especially on a deeper level. Humans need validation from others, they need shared experiences. He suggested that if you are in that situation, living on your own, that you make it a mission to join a club of some kind. A book club, stamp collectors, a model airplane club, whatever rocks your boat – join a club where you can at the very least talk about something that matters to you, or that you have an interest in – it is important for your mental well -being.

I am often alone, and it is not always easy for me, but mostly I prefer being on my own to being forced to make idle chit-chat. Still, I can feel when it gets to be too much for me, and I try my best to then make some contact with others. I’ve gone to movies on my own, I’ve gone on holiday on my own, I’ve even (often) eaten out on my own, but it is never as enjoyable as when you do it with someone, if you share your experience with someone else.

Don’t let yourself fall into a deep, dark hole of depression – go out and find a group where you can be part of ‘something’. It will make all the difference.

Until next time, stay healthy, stay happy. 🙂